How do you get a columnist to file his column by 4?

How do you get a columnist to file his column by 4?
Tell him you needit at 2

Why is a headline like a Scud missile?
Both are offensive andinaccurate

What's the difference between a features editor and an onion?
People cry when you cut an onion into pieces

What do you call an assistant managing editor with a beeper?
An optimist

How do you know when there's a circulation consultant at the door?
His hat says "Domino's".

What is a lady?
A columnist who could write about her children, but doesn't

What's the difference between a substitute reporter and a Dr Scholl's footpad?
Dr Scholl's footpads buck up the feet

If you threw a reporter and a photographer off a cliff at the same time, who would hit bottom first?
(Two answers.)
1. The photographer, because the reporter would get lost on the way
2. Who cares?

Did you hear about the music writer who was so crazy the restaurant reviewer noticed?